Wednesday, September 16, 2009

empty

Today would be a great day to be a cashier again.
I assumed that after a whole day of feeling blah, empty, useless, pointless, I might magically wake up today and be ready to go. Well, maybe it was the kitten puking in the middle of the night, or other causes for lack of sleep, or maybe it's just a longer case of the blahs than I expected, but I woke up this morning, spilled my breakfast twice, tried to pray (though my brain was doing the monkey thing), got up and looked at my list of things to do and came up totally blank again. Bible study for youth? urm, we'll read the bible and you can ask me questions. Sunday school plan for kids? how about a singalong. Plan an Outreach meeting? okay, November something.

See if I were a cashier I could still be purposeful. Focus is not required for beeping things through, bagging them up, politely telling people to have a nice day, cleaning the reg... Focus is great when you have it, the day feels better and goes faster, but if you don't have it you can still keep on.
But with such a self-disciplined job there is no such luck. No, church work requires you to have a BRAIN installed, and your heart in the right place, and new ideas, and eye contact, and compassion... (in the words of our vows -- to serve with energy, imagination, intelligence, and love).
Ugh, do I really want to take that vow? Professional cashiering just sounds so nice. But then again, there's no blogging while you check groceries.

No comments:

Post a Comment