Monday, August 22, 2011

Trying to be sick.

I'm sick today. Actually I've been waffling between "sorta sick" and "almost sick" for more than a week now, and I finally gave myself permission to just be "sick" with no adjectives in front of it. The problem then becomes: what do I DO?
An example from a recent sorta-sick-day:

Terra: What are you doing today?
me: Resting. Napping. I'm kinda sickish.
Terra: Are you sure? Because it looks a lot like you're fundraising, and I'm pretty sure there's a difference between napping and fundraising.

(Yes, I'm still fundraising. Because it doesn't count as "work" when you care this much about it, and because Ugandan school fees wait for nobody. more.)

I worked hard all weekend, led a very fun group of teens and parents to volunteer on a farm, spent hours digging up potatoes in rocky soil, brought the kids to a water park, got home near midnight, played jazz bass at church, picked up a friend from the airport, went out for coffee, and finally someone asked me "how are you" and I said "I don't know unless I sit down, and I haven't sat down in days." Then I sat down and my body let go of all the forcing, pushing, stressing adrenaline, and relaxed into its true self, and I realized I felt awful.

GUESS WHAT. I can't be a successful fundraiser unless I let myself chill out and heal. I can't be a successful pastoral-care-giver unless I rest enough to not be yawning and sneezing all over the cared-for. I preach this to others: put on your own oxygen mask first. Mom can't feed her babies unless she's feeding herself. Etc. I wrote a WHOLE ARTICLE about it on the more professional blog I write. But right now the preacher needs preached-to.
Today I'm going to sit on the couch and do those mind-numbing things that normal people usually do to relax, like watching TV and reading novels. Fundraising doesn't count as relaxing today. In order to live in the real world (later) I need to spend a day away from it (now). But the temptations to do meaningful activities are huge, so if any of you have advice on how to trick yourself into forcibly resting, I'm all ears.

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